Overview

Most of us will, at some time or another, experience bereavement.  Different studies describe the stages of the grief cycle in slightly different ways, but the most common stages are:

• Denial – feelings of shock, disbelief, panic or confusion are common here. “How could this happen?”, “It can’t be true”.
• Anger – blaming yourself, blaming others and hostility are all common feelings and behaviours – “Why me?”, “This isn’t fair”, “I don’t deserve this”.
• Depression – feeling tired, hopeless, helpless, like you have lost perspective, isolated or needing to be around others – “Everything is a struggle”, “What’s the point?”.
• Bargaining – feelings of guilt often accompany questions like “If only I had done more”, “If I had only been…”.
• Acceptance – acceptance does not mean that somebody likes the situation or that it is right or fair, but rather it involves acknowledging the implications of the loss and the new circumstances, and being prepared to move forward in a new direction.

These stages do not always appear in the same order for everybody, and some people experience some stages and not others. It is common to move forwards and backwards through the stages in your own way and at your own pace. Some people may experience grief outside of the cycle altogether.

If you ever feel like you are not coping with bereavement there are organisations and people who can support you.